Recently, my wife and I have had some immense obstacles in life. The stress of living has been eating away at us, and it feels as if we are at the bottom of a hill and life's demons are standing above us, throwing rocks. There was a bit of guilt and hesitation going to this Jam due to the current circumstances. With regret of leaving my home for the day, I went - but it did feel awful leaving my wife, while I perceivably went out to "play" while she stayed home dealing with those demons. But "play" is a pejorative way of describing what BMX means to me.
I never envisioned my life to be this way - mimicking the feelings I had in high school. 25 years ago I was a teenager full of angst and anger, and BMX was my guardian angel protecting me - from myself. And now, as grown man, clenching my fists, dead stare defiantly against life's terrors of finances, family, struggling and hustling… I find the same to be true - as I hastily leave my 30's and enter my 40's. I cannot find anything else that has given me a way to bend and shape reality into one where I actually feel like "myself".